5 Symptoms Revealing Insecure Leadership
Jake is the type of boss no one wants to have. His biggest priority seems to be milking the privileges of his title, using his company expense account to treat himself to nice meals and “spruce up his office” with toys like a Bluetooth speaker. The fact that he got promoted over more qualified peers fueled quiet resentment from the team he now supervised. It was clear that he had no intention of taking care of the people who initially voiced their support for him. He betrayed their trust, and now they had to hope he would either leave for a shinier title or get fired sooner than later.
Even if you’re not dealing directly with someone like Jake, you probably know someone who is. Here are five symptoms that tend to show up with leaders like him:
They surround themselves with yes-men.
Jake isn’t interested in having people who challenge him or poke holes in his ideas. He just wants people to go along with every idea or whim he comes up with and to move it forward, no matter how dangerous or ridiculous. Anyone who asks him to consider caution or an alternative is likely to be replaced.
They slander their critics rather than consider the merits of their criticism.
Jake doesn’t want to have to answer questions about mistakes he might have made or hurtful things he’s done. His goal is to maintain his blameless identity, not reconcile. So he would rather discredit and insult the ones shining light on uncomfortable things instead of figuring out if there’s anything useful to improve his reputation.
They’re okay with feeling successful instead of being successful.
Jake likes shiny awards, even if they have no merit. He wants the praise, no matter how insincere. Encouragement best serves leaders when they’re in a rough spot or after a legitimate achievement. It’s not for massaging a fragile ego. But Jake would never admit that.
They’re blinded by the stories they tell themselves.
As P.T. Barnum once said, “You can fool all of the people some of the time or some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” This is especially dangerous with leaders like Jake who fool themselves first. They are content to stick with a story they justify in their heads and tell it enough times until it feels true enough, regardless of the actual truth.
They use brute force instead of reason to get their way.
If Jake doesn’t get what he wants, he just whines and screams until people resisting him decide it’s no longer worth their energy and time to push back. And don’t bother trying to have a nuanced discussion with him. Even if you try to generate some level of awareness about one of his flaws, he’s not going to change his stance. In Jake’s eyes, ends justify the means when it comes to convincing people he’s right. Persuasion is an art not mastered.
Here’s the twist in the post you might not expect: I think leaders like Jake have reasonable intentions to be competent and effective leaders. In the early stages of my own leadership journey, I’ll concede that I wanted to know that I was doing a good job and was too fearful of disappointing results and disappointed people. Praise was a well-meaning but misguided priority.
So how do we make sure we don’t fall down the same path as Jake?
Assemble the right work team.
Jake could use at least one person who’s a truth-teller and another who knows his flaws and how to cover them. They cover flaws not to enable bad behavior, but to make sure that Jake doesn’t get in his own way and minimize the chance of mistakes becoming fatal. The CEO who resigned after acquiring Snapple and ended up having to sell it for one-sixth of the original purchase price conceded that he should’ve had at least one person making the case against purchasing it. Hopefully no one has to learn the same lesson the same hard way.
Be more coachable.
Jake has an opportunity to change his approach to criticism and failure. Sure, they sting. No one likes to feel incompetent. But once he allows the wounds to heal, he can ask himself things like, “What’s useful?” “What new solutions can I now consider?” When he shifts his focus from being right to figuring out what’s right, he can appreciate the leader he’s becoming instead of protecting his image. Same goes for us: people say they’re coachable until criticism about a sensitive area makes them get defensive. True, Jake is unlikely to take this advice. This is all the more reason for you and I to heed this. Be willing to slow down, listen to listen, then ask, “How would you suggest I apply your feedback?”
Remember that credit will find you, not the other way around.
We all hope Jake realizes that a job well done, through both individual effort and coordinated teamwork, is what will get him the credit he craves. And if he’s truly grown, he’ll share the credit with the team instead of hog the spotlight. There’s more than enough to go around, after all. Competence and a consistent track record of adding value inspire others to give credit to you. Coerced compliments have no merit. Secure leaders understand what their strengths are, what they’re capable of, and how to compensate for their limits.
Take time to inspect your internal monologue, and invite others to also inspect it.
Jake needs a community off the clock, too. One that will help him generate awareness about what he’s telling himself and who he wants to become. Jake can do his introspection individually. But it will only go so far. He needs a few people around him who will keep his biases from skewing his self-perception. Jake is human, just like you and me. And like Jake, we need to account for bringing out our best and knowing when we’re at our worst. When statements like “Mistakes make me look incompetent” changes to “Mistakes are learning opportunities” and “This person’s question is embarrassing me” to “This question is uncomfortable but I understand I have to answer with empathy,” you can bet you have started shifting from an unhealthy mindset to a more helpful one.
In the event you’re still afraid to initiate a conversation with a “Jake,” one great way to make feedback less personal is inviting him to take a behavioral assessment. This way, any feedback comes from the report, not from you. And if he rejects what he reads, at least it’s not for lack of trying. It’s only 5-10 minutes, too!
Feel free to try it yourself or share the link with others you think would find it useful.
