Learn To Show Up Without Showing Off
The story no one likes to hear
Bradley was frustrated with his work situation. He had posted excellent sales numbers over the last 6 months despite economic downturn. But for some reason, no one from management reached out to him to discuss a possible promotion.
To add to his angst, he came from a family who believed that “your performance should speak for itself.” If his performance was truly good enough, it would draw attention on its own, right? So why did it feel like no one noticed?
Yet another wrinkle was his own internal fear of “cosmic payback.” He didn’t want management to think he was bragging by highlighting his performance. He wasn’t arrogant. Nor did he want to bring potential bad luck on himself with what he considered “jerk” behavior.
the Uncomfortable truth that rule-followers discover too late
Life doesn’t owe you anything just because you do good work or consider yourself a “good person.”
Sure, you don’t litter, you made decent grades, you pay your bills on time. And yet, your perfect future spouse isn’t gift-wrapped waiting at your door as you come home from work one day. Nor is the promotion or dream job that you somehow secretly unlock after years of solid effort.
Here’s what hurts: yes, the habits we were incentivized to build as kids are helpful. But they don’t teach you to take risks and challenge yourself. After all, how does good dental hygiene help you deal with rejection? Entitlement sets in after enough rule-following fails to yield your desired results, leaving you permanently bitter if left unchecked.
You don’t always get what you deserve, but you’ll always get what you negotiate. And if you don’t learn to negotiate, what do you think you deserve?
Intelligent people struggle to find a stable job, let alone keep one. Attractive people with high moral character go through extended periods of singleness. Likeable, popular people have their lives cut short with surprise health issues. As Chris Do says in “Pocket Full of Do:” Life isn’t fair - it never was.
The simple shift to get unstuck
Whether personally or professionally, getting unstuck is simple yet straightforward:
Shift your mindset from, “The world owes me” to “Highlight the benefits.”
By highlighting the benefits, this takes the spotlight off you, which removes the fear of being selfish. Now, it’s not about you - it’s about what they gain through you.
How does this show up? In Bradley’s case, he’s no longer consumed by quiet resentment. Instead, he schedules regular check-ins with his boss to review his results. This gives him the opportunity to highlight wins NOT to make himself look good, but to emphasize how those results help the company. Emphasize how the results help the company and the credit boomerangs back to you. As much as Bradley wants to be noticed, taking credit first is a short-term panic move that will cost him.
Sidenote: this also applies to the dating scene. (Too sensitive? You’re worth it.) The ones who think they shouldn’t have to buy a ticket to win the lottery are only denying themselves the chance of meeting someone they might actually like. Rather, highlight the benefits - not by impressing them with your accomplishments, but by discovering what’s important to them and how they feel loved. Caution: only proceed if there’s potential - but that will take an entirely separate post to address.
By taking an empathetic angle with your achievements, you can highlight your wins more openly and not feel scared or ashamed for doing so. Even if you mention just one thing you wouldn’t have otherwise, that’s still progress worth celebrating.
